my steps on ending the abuse
My Son - My Why
The day you were born, I became a mother. I knew nothing about the love I would experience because my love for you is bliss. It is the purest of pure. You, my son, are a person where I hold no hate against. This for me is uncomfortable at times because I never knew I could love so deep when I barely thought I knew how. I will be everything for you, everything I never had. I love the energy you give me, the positive thoughts that thrive. I know deep down you are the reason why we ended our 4-generational domestic abuse cycle. It has finally come to an end. I wanted more for you. I vowed the day you were born I would never put you through the pain I went through, or have you see anything that I saw. Your eyes are pure and will stay that way for as long as I can guide. I feel I suffered enough for my children, children's children. I can now protect 3 new generations. You, my son, were a hero the day you were born. You are my hero, you are my reason WHY. Thank you for being you. You are the best human I know. I love you so much, always and forever your mommy.
For me this was the first step TO realizing my situation was NOT OK. I feel alone, I know deep down I am not. I CAN get through what I need to get through. This first step hit me like a ton of bricks crashing down. If you push through and see the light on the other side, YOU CAN get there.
YOU NEED to have enough Respect for yourself to make the future decisions that are right for you. Respect you. Be true to you and, most of all, understand that you will be whole. It does happen. For me this seemed impossible because I never had RESPECT for myself in the way that would serve me to my highest potential. Learning this takes time. In the end, the time you put into yourself is going to last a life time. I CAN finally say "I truly respect myself, and the people around me",
This will take courage and strength. YOU must become stronger than ever before. Deep within your soul, you need to reach down and connect to yourself as you are. YOU have the courage to BE YOU again. This for me was confusing. I felt like I was getting nowhere. At this point, I wanted to turn back and dive into my old ways. It is easier going back to something you know than creating a new something you don't know. The breaking point for me was realizing I didn't want to go back. Enough was enough. I AM stronger than before. I asked for help within myself and fought the negative energy as the positive started to come through.
In my experience everything has a core with a ton of layers. You will reach to the core and the ROOT cause. Where did this behavior become acceptable? Why did this become acceptable? This process is painful because YOU LOOK at your demons and fight them one by one, if you choose to. At this point I was learning to understand what my triggers were and keep them in check. To me this was sometimes unbearable. Within myself I would notice a little something different - something I didn't see before and that is what kept me moving forward.
You are half way there, A process that takes energy, determination, and patience. You want the change. You are starting to implement small pieces of what YOU CHOOSE for a better life. YOU CAN change if you choose to change. For me, this process took a couple of years. It was then I knew I desired to keep the old out and bring in the new. One little piece at a time, I was taking control of my life.
To me, this is where YOU START to blossom. The weight starts to lift off your shoulders. You BECOME FREE. You want to have a new life, a better life. A life that was a dream to you at one point, can now become REALITY. The perfect description for me now, when I look back is:
"A life that is worth living for, a life of happiness".
- Alisia Marie
One of THE MOST important steps is THIS STEP. For me, it holds THE KEY to stopping the cycle. Ending it forever for your family. It is easy as we know to slip back into old habits, routines, start justifying what is acceptable. TENACITY will not only block this, it will give you the WILLPOWER to say NO. It will help understand your triggers. It will help you BE strong, BE fierce and BE change.
Take the necessary small steps you need to beat the domestic abuse cycle so the cycle does not beat you again, over and over. I leave this for you, from me.
"Break the cycle, beat the cycle, stop the cycle".
- Alisia Marie
As a little girl, I wished I had a different life. Now, as an adult, I made those changes. I PROMISED I would end it all and BE FREE of domestic abuse - the vicious cycle that endowed my past for 4 generations.
Promise yourself you will NEVER go back. Create a life that is more than you ever imagined. Create a new beginning, FORGIVE your PAST and, most of all, YOURSELF. Forgiveness is key, the key that holds your future of a new life. A life of freedom from the past.
If you choose, say this with me out loud starting with a small voice then get louder and shout with all your energy. "I NOW TAKE THE KEY AND OPEN A NEW DOOR. I DON'T LET THE PAST DEFINE ME ANYMORE".
Photos by Riana Lisbeth